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20/3/20 01:15![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maricAh, since I haven't been able to roleplay on journal sites in months, I've had really bad anxiety. I'd roleplay on forums, but I prefer journals. Forums feel lackluster to me since getting my old personality and sense of self back. I miss using lots of icons and buying character journals.
It's hard to explain, but when I got exiled from insane and dreamwidth? I started reaching out to old friends that might not be around anymore. I miss my little buddies, I miss them all. It seems I stopped being Maric and they stopped wanting anything to do with me. Honesty, I did this to get away from my mom officially, causing trouble online worked because it got me somewhere safe and where I can discreetly leave without her really knowing.
My mom is someone who refused to let me grow up. I'm 33 years old, and I've never been anywhere on my own in a long time. I wasn't even allowed to have a cat, she kills everything I love (cats), acts like I eat too much, smothers people that I love and snuffs them from my life. I try and leave and she won't let me go. She tells elaborate lies, deceives herself, lives in denial. She told them I roleplay too much, and think I'm the characters when I'm actually sound of mind and know I'm a real, living, breathing, person. I love these characters I roleplay, but I am not them.
My mom also is a jealous whore, every last one of them. I fell in love with the Moon, and they wanted to keep me from him. o_o I'm angry all the time. I'm depressed, sad, and yet I'm upbeat, happy, goofy and funny. I'm high functioning depression, yay. I need help to get my motor functions back but no one will come help. ;;
I'm so sad and sick and messed up in the head all the time. Anxiety has ruined my life and I need an outlet at all costs. I shake so bad I can barely breath sometimes, I'm also sick to my stomach and tired and have severe headaches. My comforts were taken were taken away from me and in the end, I shake so bad it's hard to write an app anywhere. I might join a forum at some point, but not now, if no one accepts me round here.
Guess that's all I want to say. Love you, Moon Moon. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 I'll let you go soon.
let me repeat again; I'm fine on my own. Stop babying me. I gotta go across country to see about a Wolf. I'm excited and happy. I'm almost free. I think I'll get some sleep in a few and try exercising in the morning. Goodnight, Dreamwidth. Sorry for the trouble, there were all kinds of reasons for it. I'll be okay in the long run. One of them was shaking so bad I couldn't sleep, chest being so tight I couldn't breathe. In the end, I can't live with myself as a woman. I have to be a man.
It's hard to explain, but when I got exiled from insane and dreamwidth? I started reaching out to old friends that might not be around anymore. I miss my little buddies, I miss them all. It seems I stopped being Maric and they stopped wanting anything to do with me. Honesty, I did this to get away from my mom officially, causing trouble online worked because it got me somewhere safe and where I can discreetly leave without her really knowing.
My mom is someone who refused to let me grow up. I'm 33 years old, and I've never been anywhere on my own in a long time. I wasn't even allowed to have a cat, she kills everything I love (cats), acts like I eat too much, smothers people that I love and snuffs them from my life. I try and leave and she won't let me go. She tells elaborate lies, deceives herself, lives in denial. She told them I roleplay too much, and think I'm the characters when I'm actually sound of mind and know I'm a real, living, breathing, person. I love these characters I roleplay, but I am not them.
My mom also is a jealous whore, every last one of them. I fell in love with the Moon, and they wanted to keep me from him. o_o I'm angry all the time. I'm depressed, sad, and yet I'm upbeat, happy, goofy and funny. I'm high functioning depression, yay. I need help to get my motor functions back but no one will come help. ;;
I'm so sad and sick and messed up in the head all the time. Anxiety has ruined my life and I need an outlet at all costs. I shake so bad I can barely breath sometimes, I'm also sick to my stomach and tired and have severe headaches. My comforts were taken were taken away from me and in the end, I shake so bad it's hard to write an app anywhere. I might join a forum at some point, but not now, if no one accepts me round here.
Guess that's all I want to say. Love you, Moon Moon. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 I'll let you go soon.
let me repeat again; I'm fine on my own. Stop babying me. I gotta go across country to see about a Wolf. I'm excited and happy. I'm almost free. I think I'll get some sleep in a few and try exercising in the morning. Goodnight, Dreamwidth. Sorry for the trouble, there were all kinds of reasons for it. I'll be okay in the long run. One of them was shaking so bad I couldn't sleep, chest being so tight I couldn't breathe. In the end, I can't live with myself as a woman. I have to be a man.